Conflict Resolution
// Kenneth W. Hagin
Conflicts can arise over anything—from disagreements over responsibilities between employees, roommates, and spouses, to issues involving doctrine, relationships, money, and much more.
When it arises in your life, do your tactics lead to heated debate, strife, and more conflict? Or do you refuse to deal with conflict by "going into hiding" and pretending it doesn't exist?
LEARNING HOW to handle conflict is important, because conflict that isn't dealt with becomes an opportunity for strife, confusion, and inevitably, offense. Here are four ways to resolve conflict and remain in the love of God.
ONE: OPEN YOUR HEART
Before a conflict can be resolved, the people involved must be willing to open their hearts and receive one another. Often, the reason it's not resolved is that one or more of the people involved becomes closed-minded. They say things like, "I don't like what So-and-So did, and I'm never going to speak to him again!" Those people aren't making room in their hearts for anyone. They're only making room for more conflict, offense, and trouble!
Sometimes you have to be the first one to say, "Hey, look, there's a problem. What can we do to resolve it?" Then, do what you can to encourage openness, because without it, communication cannot continue.
TWO: DEAL SQAURELY WITH THE ISSUE
Conflict cannot be resolved unless you are willing to face the issues and not dodge them. Why do people hold on to offense when it would benefit them so much more to deal with the conflict, avoid the offense, and completely let it go? One reason is, they are yielding to the flesh, which always motivates a person to insist on his own rights and his own way. Consequently, they hold on to such thoughts as, "I was mistreated! I have a right to feel this way after all I've suffered!"
Yielding to the flesh motivates a person to justify his or her behavior rather than repent. Show me someone who will never admit when he's wrong, and I'll show you someone who's walking after the flesh, not after the Spirit!
How many times have people said they wanted to resolve an issue, but really they were unwilling to face the real issues— especially when those issues meant admitting fault or making some kind of change?
If you're involved in a conflict, be accountable for your role in creating the disharmony. Face the issue squarely. It is still in good taste to say, "I'm sorry" when you miss it!
THREE: DON'T CONDEMN
Some people who "come to the table" to resolve a matter want to leave that meeting saying, "I won." But if a conflict between two parties is resolved properly, both should be able to say, "We won," because a problem was solved and a relationship salvaged. God's love was able to prevail—and that should spell victory in anyone's book!
Most people don’t mind putting forth the effort to resolve a conflict if they go away from the meeting feeling as if they accomplished something and weren’t just “trampled on.” This is especially true of husbands and wives. Spouses should always walk away from a conflict with their unity restored instead of ending with unresolved issues and in a “stand-off” state.
Whether a conflict exists between employers and employees, husbands and wives, parents and children, or among friends or co-workers, people have feelings. That's true no matter who they are or what their age or status in life is. No one involved in a conflict should ever criticize or condemn another person so that the person feels worthless and hopeless.
FOUR: VALUE EVERYONE INVOLVED
For conflicts to be resolved, the people involved must feel as though they are loved and worthwhile. The Apostle Paul said in Second Corinthians 7:4 (NIV 1984), "I have great confidence in you; I take great pride in you."

Paul was simply saying, "I believe in you." This is exactly the way we need to deal with our children. Parents who communicate their faith and confidence in their children at an early age will likely have less conflict to deal with down the road. And when conflict does occur, both parties will be willing to resolve it, not just the parents.
Many times teenagers are unwilling to try to work through difficulty in their relationship with a parent because they feel worthless and hopeless. They don't want to listen to a parent who just points out their mistakes. They need to know that their parent believes they can succeed in life no matter how badly they've failed in the past.
To settle a conflict, you must express confidence in the other party. If someone offended you, you need to say, "No matter what has happened, I still have confidence in you. I still believe in you." Building a person's feelings of self-worth makes him more eager to resolve a conflict and solidify a relationship.
RESOLUTION AND HEALING
Conflict resolution doesn't always happen overnight. This is especially true if there has been long-standing conflict in a relationship, and that conflict has been silenced, either through ignorance or willfulness.
If you've not spoken to a loved one in years, I encourage you to resolve to settle that issue. Even if the other person was the offender, you can take the first step.
Begin by forgiving that person if you haven't already done so. Then try to establish openness. Perhaps you can open your heart to that person by writing a letter or sending an email. You could say something like, "Let's put this issue behind us."
Many times, all it takes is one small gesture on the part of one person to begin the process of resolving conflict and reestablishing valuable relationships. Even though the other person may not respond to your move, do it anyway.
The key to conflict resolution is to be willing and ready to resolve conflict as it comes. We can do that by being open, direct, gentle, and noncritical; by desiring restoration and unity; and by valuing all the people in our lives as precious and as those for whom Christ died.