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Tips for Effective Singles Ministry

Tips

//Leaders in Singles Ministry

Many churches make the mistake of developing a singles ministry on a youth ministry model, and they look for couples to be “advisors” or “sponsors.”


But singles are not teens—they’re adults. And adults are not interested in being directed in ministry. They want to take responsibility for themselves. A better way to look at leadership in a singles ministry might be seeing the leader as chairman of the board and the singles as the only stockholders. They must own the ministry. They’re not interested in programs being done for them.

It works best to let the singles be the primary determiners of the program, the age delineations, and the written job descriptions that go with each office in the ministry cabinet.

It’s also important that these leaders be integrated into the whole life of the church. Singles ministry shouldn’t turn into a satellite operation, much less a leper colony. Some churches totally isolate their singles from the life of the rest of the church, but singles should be plugged in to decision making in the whole congregation.

 

Understand the Numbers Game

Single adults are mobile. They move from church to church, trying on a variety of organizations, clubs, and classes. Most singles groups turn over 50 percent every six months, so your singles group must be set up to grow or it will die from attrition.
The older the age group, the more common it is for females to outnumber males. Work as hard as you can to reverse this, but also be prepared for it.
Singles like large groups with lots of relational possibilities, but also small groups that offer authenticity. Growing, healthy singles ministries are a combination of large events that attract significant numbers, and small groups that provide close-in sharing.

One Key to Success

One key to building a successful community of single adults in church is balance—meeting the spiritual and social needs of singles, promoting spiritual growth and relationships.

Balance your attitude. Being single is not a disease or a stigma. Do you see singles as whole people? As a vital part of the church? Are there singles in leadership positions? Have you spolled your membership to see how many are single? Create a culture that includes singles as important members of your church body.

Balance the ministry. Have specific ministry to singles—conferences, retreats, regular prayer meetings, and services that teach on topics like developing relationships, godly principles for dating, courtship, marriage, finding your place in the Body of Christ, spiritual growth, and so forth. Balance those with practical ways to help singles—divorce or grief recovery, a helping hand for widows or single parents (doing repair work, watching the kids, running errands), someone to call in emergencies, and so forth.

Balance the social aspect. Singles need fellowship and a place to belong. Have events just for them (see ideas on pages 5, 7, 8, and 9) and include them in all-church events with families. (This requires inclusive language from the pulpit. See p. 11.) Make note of the kinds of events your singles like best, mix it up for different ages, and consider child care or kid-friendly events.

Offer A Divorce-Recovery Program

Q. Why do divorced people need to go through a recovery program?
A. They often need to work through issues of anger, abandonment, hopelessness, or fear and need help to do it. They also need new relationship tools to use in any future relationships, and help in building a new life.

Q. What kinds of issues can be covered in divorce recovery?
A. Here are a few areas to consider:
• Grief . . . anger . . . fear . . . guilt . . . rejection . . . letting go
• Self-worth . . . examination . . . openness . . . trust . . . love
• Forgiveness . . . godly character . . . communication
• Hope . . . purpose . . . finances . . . the future
• Family . . . children . . . exes . . . daily living
• Relationships . . . sexuality . . . dating . . . boundaries

Q. How long does it take to “get over” a divorce?
A. It depends on many factors: how long someone was married, how good the relationship was and how committed they were, whether the divorce was a surprise to one spouse or the other, whether there are children, whether there’s a new relationship . . . personality, age, socioeconomic status, and so forth. Each person recovers differently, and most need help through the process.

Use Inclusive Language

Many churches emphasize marriage and family so much that singles are left with the impression that to be a good Christian, you should be married and have kids. They often feel as though they don’t belong.

When speaking from the pulpit, remember that, very likely, more than half your crowd is single. If everyone preaching always refers to “your wife, your husband, or your kids,” they’re leaving lots of people out. If every bit of advertising for church events shows families and couples, then singles think these events aren’t for them. Consider changing the mind-set, the advertising, and the language to include everyone.

A Place for Everyone

Most singles ministries that attempt to be comprehensive need to have at least three separate groups, divided by age:

• 21 to 35
• 30 to 50
• Over 50

The overlap is intentional, and obviously, no one should be checking IDs at the door. People need to feel comfortable with folks their own age, and there can be regular interface among the different singles groups and between the groups and the whole church.

NOTE: It’s never a good idea to separate people by their status of singleness (i.e., “career,” divorced, widowed, and so forth). Age divisions help people discover the right group for them and also guard against older adults seeking unhealthy relationships with those far younger.

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