>>Wisdom for Life and Ministry
Gleaning from what others have learned
Whether you’re just starting out, pressing through the middle, or headed for the finish line, keep these five keys in mind to finish strong.
Key #1—Place God Above All / / Alumni Staff
We must keep God first place in our hearts and minds or we will be tempted to please people, become self-involved, or live life in our own strength. All of these paths lead to failure. Here are some insights.
What is our main motivation for ministry? Is it the desire to impress others, to be liked for what we say, or to attract a crowd? Is it to be popular, influential, or powerful? Is it to be an eminent preacher or grow a large church?
The Apostle Paul gives us insight. “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? . . . If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Gal. 1:10 NIV).
We want to keep our focus on pleasing God above all things. A living, daily fellowship with your Creator is the only way to run a race that stays strong and finishes strong.
In his article in the book Deepening Your Ministry Through Prayer and Personal Growth, Maxie Dunnam says, “Few things are as hollow as a relationship intended for passion that instead is marked by mere duty.”
A love relationship with God is necessary for a vital ministry. At the heart of ministry is a heart close to God.
If we lose our heart for God, we may still be able to perform our duties well, do everything required with skill, and succeed at keeping the ministry going. But there’s no excitement. There’s no sitting on the edge of our seat to share something great God has done recently. Furthermore, there’s no heart for doing the hard things, and no burning concern for missions or outreach.
Ministry is more than just building churches, running programs, winning souls, or preaching sermons. True success in ministry is knowing God and being the person He wants us to be.
Jesus didn’t say the first and greatest commandment was, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” He said first, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Out of that flows ministry.
Tips for Maintaining Relationship With God
1) Attend to the emotional. Ministers can be hindered spiritually by emotional and personality hang-ups. Being honest about our emotions and dealing with them really helps us spiritually. Spend time in God’s Word and meditate on His acceptance, His giftings in you, and who you are in Christ.
2) Fine-tune spiritual disciplines. Develop habits of study time, prayer time, and reflection time.
3) Retreat. Schedule “regular maintenance” time for your soul—maybe once or twice a year. It’s not selfish or extravagant to take time to get away, gain perspective, and rest. It’s vital to your well-being and longevity in ministry. You might even want to try short, one-day retreats more often if that works for you.
• Key #2—Build Strong Family Relationships / / Jerry Piker
Jerry Piker (’83, ’84)
Investing in your family is forming a firm foundation for your life. Rev. Jerry Piker has some insights on keeping your family life strong. He and his wife, Shirlene, have been married 38 years. They pioneered Opened Door Christian Fellowship in Laurie, Missouri, in 1976, and now both of their daughters and sons-in-law work with them in the church. Jerry also serves as RMAI Regional Director for Region Nine.
Jerry Piker says he has encountered many triumphs and tragedies in the area of family relationships. “The triumphs have been many,” he says, “while most of the tragedies have come from seeing people who lost their families ‘for the sake of the ministry’ or something else they gave their attention to.”
According to Jerry, it’s never too late to nurture your relationships with your spouse and children—and it’s an ongoing thing. “When you spend more time on your family relationships, you will see your life and ministry change for the better,” he says. “It’s something you have to do all the time, but then you’ll see your children begin to love God (and ministry) in a greater depth.”
He encourages people to use the same Bible principles of faith for their marriage and family as they do for anything else.
“When I first started out,” he says, “I didn’t know how to be a good husband and father. I had to learn. As the Scriptures say in Second Timothy 2:15, “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed. . . .” Like anything else, you have to find out what God says about it and then become a doer of the Word.”
Practical Tips For Nurturing Your Family
1) Love your spouse. “The Bible tells us to have our house in order before we become a minister of the Gospel, not after (First Timothy chapter 3). That means that my priorities must be God first and my family second, before ministry. If a man is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church (Eph. 5:25), then he needs to study how Christ loved the Church and pattern his life after Jesus. We need to give our lives to our husbands or wives. Many say, ‘When my spouse does such and such, I will act better.’ That’s not God. To save your family, you must save your marriage relationship first.”
2) Let your kids know they’re your priority. “We’ve always been active in our kids’ lives. When they were in sports or the band, we were at every event, even if we had to miss church. If something was important to them, it was important to us. Be sure to go away as a family for vacation, just to be with them. When our kids were little, we’d even go to a hotel and spend the night to swim in the pool. They loved it.”
3) Don’t talk bad in front of your children. “We never wanted our children to make decisions about people or the ministry by what was taking place in our lives. In fact, until they began working with us, our daughters never knew there were people in church who didn’t love us! Children can get the wrong impression if they only hear the negative about situations. We shared only the good things about people and ministry, because there are so many great, rewarding things to look at.”
Connections says: When your family sees and hears you treating spiritual things with respect (such as the Word, the ministers, and other people in church) they are much more likely to love God and church. If they see negative things and ask you about them, don’t just whitewash over them— acknowledge your family’s concerns, talk about them openly, and lead your family to the Word.
“If I had it to do over again . . . ”
“I would spend more time with my daughters and reevaluate the high expectations I placed upon them, especially my oldest. Today they are all involved in local church ministry, but I blinked and they were in elementary school (while we were at RHEMA), blinked again and they were graduating from high school, blinked once more and they were in college, married, and living on the other side of the world. I wish someone had told me that ‘that moment’ when I was carrying my little girl in my arms at the mall would be my last time.”
Marcus and Natalie Avalos (both ’91, ’92) pastor Crossroads Church in Seguin, Texas.
Key #3—Always Keep Learning // Jim Herring
Jim Herring (’92, ’93)
Sometimes we think our way of doing things is the best way or the only way, but if we stop learning and changing, we stop growing. Rev. Jim Herring who along with his wife, Samantha, pastors Abundant Life Family Church in Fort Worth, Texas, talks about the dangers of stagnation and a “know-it-already” mentality.
“Anyone who stops learning is old whether this happens at 20 or 80. Anyone who keeps on learning not only remains young but becomes constantly more valuable, regardless of physical capacity.” —Henry Ford
“Regardless of how old I get, I want to stay young!” says Jim Herring. “I also want to become ‘constantly more valuable.’ According to Henry Ford, the way to do that is to continue learning and growing.”
Jim believes a personal growth plan is vital. “It’s so important to set aside time to read, listen to others, attend seminars, or pursue formal education,” he says. “The truth is, God works through knowledge. We limit our effectiveness in the Kingdom of God when we choose to remain the same and stop acquiring knowledge.”
“If we stay the same, we become stagnant,” he explains. “For example, I don’t want to be the same man, husband, dad, or pastor I was last year. I want to be better, sharper, more knowledgeable, and more productive.”
It’s also possible to pass a love for learning and growing on to others. “We can help the people in the pew develop a love for growth,” he says, “by taking the Apostle Paul’s advice as a personal mandate: ‘. . . be an EXAMPLE to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity. Till I come, GIVE ATTENTION to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine’ (1 Tim. 4:12–13 NKJV).”
“Several years ago I spent some time with a seasoned minister,” Jim recalls, “and I asked him, ‘What advice would you give a young minister?’ His quick and potent response has stayed with me through the years. He said, ‘Never stop learning!’ Those words became a part of my spiritual DNA and have guided me in a quest to continually grow and develop.”
Tips for Being A Continual Learner
1. Have a personal development plan. What type of system do you have in place for your personal and ministerial development? Map it out with a list and a calendar. Dedicate time to reading and praying every day, instead of ‘working it in when you can,’ then commit to that time. You will never reap a harvest of knowledge on the seeds of learning you failed to sow.
2. Keep it fresh. No matter how long you’ve been involved in ministry, you haven’t ‘heard it all’ yet. It’s important to attend seminars and read what others have written to keep things fresh. Go in search of what others are saying and doing. It will help you personally, and it will help your ministry.
3. Fellowship with others who love to grow and change. Pick a book to read or a seminar to attend together with your spouse or a friend. This gives you a measure of accountability, and it helps you process the things you learn as you share them with each other. Being around others who are excited will help keep you excited.
Connections says: Broaden your horizons, embrace some new ideas, stir yourself up. Take a free computer class at your local library, mentor a young person (www.MentorYouth.com), go on a short-term missions trip (www.InMotionMinistries.org), become a volunteer (www.VolunteerMatch.org), get a degree or finish one you’ve started, stir up your passion for souls, learn more about nutrition and exercise, (download some e-books atwww.NoPaperPress.com), start a new hobby (www.FindMeAHobby.com), log on to the home page of IWorshipHere.com.
Key #4—Look Outward // Rob Wynne
Rob Wynne (’90, ’91)
When we’re going forward with a vision God’s given us, sometimes we can get an “isolationist” mentality. But it’s important to keep a spirit of cooperation, involvement, and servanthood—with other ministries, with the community, and even with friends and mentors. Revs. Rob and Rose Wynne pastor Cornerstone Church in Linden, Alabama, and have discovered the benefits of looking outward.
Pastor Rob Wynne believes in getting involved in his community. “One main reason,” he says, “is because Jesus said if you want to be first in His Kingdom, you have to be servant of all.” He serves in a number of volunteer capacities in his town.
According to Rob, there are other benefits as well. “When churches take part in their community, it dispels false rumors,” he says. “Whatever people perceive about you is reality, whether it’s true or false. When we came here, people had a lot of false ideas of what our church was like, so we knew we needed to get involved with them and show them who we were.”
When you’re willing to serve, it helps build credibility. “I’m able to speak into the lives of people that I’d never otherwise have access to, like judges,” says Rob. “Slowly but surely we’ve established a rapport with people in our whole county. They know we’re normal people who want to serve Jesus and help others. If we’re going to invade people’s worlds, we’re going to have to get outside our four walls.”
Rob also belongs to the Linden ministerial association, which is composed of Baptists, one Methodist, and himself. “Early on, we determined that we would hook up with others who lift up Jesus,” he says. “If we refuse to meet and worship with other believers just because they don’t believe the way we do, then we’re not obeying the Scriptures. I don’t want to stand before Jesus and have Him say, “I thought I told you to love everybody. . . . Fellowship with these people!”
Tips
• Be willing to be a follower. “When we get involved with all these different things, most of the time we’re followers, not leaders. We don’t do it to get credit, or even to get members, but rather to be a help.”
• Sow and reap. “Getting involved sets an example for church members. When we volunteer somewhere, it encourages them to volunteer in the church. It’s hard to ask people to cooperate if you don’t cooperate yourself.”
• Get along. “Sometimes it’s difficult to cooperate with other denominations and groups. But it’s necessary to have others around you, even when they don’t agree with your doctrine. They have ministerial wisdom to offer, good things to say. Be open to hear a good idea, or suggestions.”
• Have close friends. “It’s tremendously important to have friends who speak into your life. When we shut ourselves off from other people, we open ourselves up to depression, or to the enemy saying that no one really cares about us—just all kind of bad things that are unnecessary.”
Key #5—Overcome Discouragement, Disappointment, and Hurt //
Many of your problems and disappointments in life and ministry will stem from working, living, and interacting with people. Here is some wisdom from your fellow grads about not getting bitter or letting hurts keep you from fulfilling your destiny.
Richard Pilger (’86, ’87)
Associate Pastor, Valley Family Church,
Kalamazoo, Michigan
“Betrayal and untruths hurt, but especially when they’re experienced at the hand of an individual whom you have mentored, trusted, or invested your life in. For me, I had to get a fresh revelation of two things.
“First, the Lord is my defender and He will take care of me. Second, I had to recognize that there is always a spiritual battle taking place in the unseen realm (Ephesians 6:12), and the enemy will use people, the words they speak, and their actions, to try to derail me and keep me from running my race.
“I had to realize that if the enemy can discourage me, he will jump on that opportunity—and if he can use people to do that, he will. But I had to recognize the origin and then not ‘sign for the package.’ I had to walk in love and keep on walking! Easy to do? No, it was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced in ministry. But God is always faithful!
“Another key to overcoming discouragement is to never forget your first love. In ministry, it is very easy to get so busy doing things for God, you fail to spend time with God. Keep your own spiritual tanks full! Ministry is an overflow of the reservoir on the inside of you, and you can’t give what you don’t have.
“Spend personal time in the Word—the time you spend in message preparation doesn’t count. Cultivate a healthy prayer life. You are never too busy to pray—in fact, you can’t afford not to pray. Devote time to worship. Load your iPod or put on your favorite CD and just spend time in His presence. You’ll emerge refreshed and renewed.”
Beth Webb (’78)
Pastor’s wife, Foothill Family Church,
Lake Forest, California
“People will disappoint you; don’t be surprised by it. I once heard a seasoned minister say that he always told his children when people did hurtful things, ‘They are just being people.’
“My husband often says to me, ‘This just proves that we need to be here—they need to grow up!’ If people were spiritual, then they wouldn’t need us.
“There’s a temptation to think, What’s wrong with me? How come other people are succeeding and it seems like I’m not? Those are thoughts the devil hounded me with for the purpose of distracting me! I found out that the people I thought had it all together had the exact same thoughts!
“So now, for me, it’s just about pleasing Jesus. If I obey Him every day, even in the small things, then at the end of my journey He’ll say, ‘Well done.’ It’s about obedience to Him, not about building a ministry.”
Will Duke (’00, ’01)
Pastor, Washington Faith Family Church,
Washington Court House, Ohio
“One thing that surprised me was how many people have had some really horrible experiences in their lives, either in childhood or in
adult relationships.
“Knowing this brings a lot of clarity sometimes as to why people act and behave like they do! My wife and I both feel as if we basically grew up on The Waltons, because we never experienced any of the things that people have shared with us during counseling or just general conversation.
“It makes you realize that there are a lot of hurting people out there with a multitude of problems and emotions, and we have the opportunity—or better yet, the responsibility—to share the love of Christ with them and bring healing and, hopefully, complete restoration.”
Don’t Let People Catch You by Surprise
Whether you’re just starting out or you’ve been around awhile, you have to know that people are going to be one of the biggest challenges you face in life and ministry.
Even if you’re an outstanding leader or helper, there’s no guarantee that others are going to hold up their end of the bargain. Even in Jesus’ ministry, the multitude left Him, the 12 ran away, the three went to sleep, the one denied Him, and the one betrayed Him. He wasn’t at fault, but it still happened.
So be ready. While you’re doing your best, there will be humans who let you down. That’s part of life. If you’re aware of that going in, you will survive how others treat you, disappoint you, or surprise you, and it won’t derail you from keeping your joy and fulfilling your call.
Those You Work With
It is said that people often leave a job not because of the work, the pay, or the conditions, but because of coworkers.
Rev. Joe Duininck, head of the RHEMA School of World Missions at RBTC, says that one of the main reasons missionaries leave the field is because of trouble with people.
“We don’t expect to have a problem with our fellow ministers, so it catches us off guard,” says Joe. “We think, I graduated with this person. They’re a friend. They’re a RHEMA graduate. Let’s work together. We don’t expect it to be frustrating—just as people don’t go into marriage planning for it to be something they have to work hard at. But often they do.”
According to Joe, awareness is a huge part of the answer. “Just know to expect challenges,” he says. “I think that studying different personality types can be a helpful tool in learning how to get along—to understand that there are differences in the way we all perceive things.”
For example, Joe says, “Most often it would be beneficial for missionaries to study what another culture is like before they go live there. But if they don’t think they’ll have trouble with the culture, they don’t study it. In the same way, if you don’t think you’ll have trouble with people you work closely with, then you don’t plan for it. Anything you don’t plan for can catch you off guard. Be forewarned that even in the best situations, you’ll have challenges with people.”
Learning to deal with people is vitally important. “If we’re going to make disciples and evangelize the world,” says Joe, “our strongest testimony is love within the Body. Unless we’re better than Jesus, there are going to be people who hurt us, intentionally or unintentionally. So we need to use wisdom and grow up. It’s hard and challenging, but we don’t have a license to get bitter.”
Those You Minister To
Humans can be fickle. Often it seems as if those you help most, or the ones you’re closest to, are the ones who turn on you. So when (not if!) that happens, what can you do? Here are some tips:
- Lean on God. He is always faithful, always trustworthy. He never leaves you, never forsakes you, and always upholds you. Your strength lies in Him (Isaiah 41:10).
- Pray for those who hurt, disappoint, or harm you (Matthew 5:44; 1 Peter 3:9). God’s Word says that rather than ignore, retaliate, gossip, or suffer in silence, we must take action when people treat us badly. We must love, bless, do good, and pray. These are not passive things.
- Forgive and forget. Don’t let someone else’s actions have power over the rest of your life. Forgiveness is freedom (Mark 11:25–26).
- Remember that no one can steal your joy unless you allow it. Determine that no person, no matter what that person does, can steal your joy (Nehemiah 8:10).
- Stay open, don’t get hard, and keep loving people. If Jesus did it, you can too (Hebrews 12:4).
